oblivion

I thought of every possible factor that might steal my youth, my 20’s, the years of me goofing around and make silly mistakes. I thought I was totally ready to fight in that battle. However, I forgot to calculate this one factor that not just might but have totally stolen my youth. My job I think I don’t just put my youth on the line but my family my priority and Him as well. I regret the time when I had to choose my work over something that is very dear to my heart. I dislike waking up feeling anxious about things I have to submit, people that I have to meet and probably everything. I don’t get extra pay for the extra jobs, it’s just what it is. You are new, you are fresh, you have no right to say no. I wonder what people thought of whenever they use that kind of justification. Maybe they were treated that way in their first years of working so they assume that it’s okay to re-use that kind of reason. Maybe that experience moulded them to be who they are. Ini...

Whenever Mir and I feel like we're about to get sick, we always tell each other "Get your shizz together, you don't have time to be sick!" Then we would push ourselves to be a little bit stronger than usual to shoo away the virus. It's funny because sometimes it works. However,thinking about it...it is just sad. Thinking about it, it has been quite awhile since I stopped allowing myself to be human; to have flaws, to make mistakes and to just breathe. Last year I thought my life was already haywire oh man past me surely not prepared of what's coming in 2019.  Life sure is crazy this year, too many things to do with too little time, too many things on my plate and I've been leaving things that I love to do and spending less and less time with my loved ones, I know I have to put a full stop of this madness. I AM NOW FORCING MYSELF TO BE HUMAN,AGAIN. I will try my hardest to allow myself to be tired, to just take 5, to listen to my parents ranting a...

It was all started about a month ago, life was crazy at that time, one submission after another, school had a series of events before the academic year ended and I was freaking tired. To cut the story short, I randomly uninstalled my social media applications on my phone and dang I think I said it few months ago to go social media free by the end of this year. I haven't reached to that point yet, still scrolling down Twitter before I sleep but I am off Instagram and Facebook for quite some time already. There are times I feel like yknow reinstall those apps again but man my 24 years old brain cannot even remember the password. But LET ME TELL YOU I feel much calmer, less insecure and no unnecessary sakit kepala! Thanks to my forgetful mind, I stop checking on social media every 2 hours, scrolling down people's feed or timeline(whom I don't even know) and putting the pressure on myself (because I haven't achieved what people have). It's true lah afte...

I spent my long weekend with none other but  Mir. After a hell of tiring week for her I'm really glad that it has finally ended. I don't know how long we get to stay in each others' life to be honest. We just kinda go with the flow. 2018 has been a year that full of surprises and lessons and I personally have learned a bunch of things. From jumping from one to another job, juggling studying and working, convincing myself to move to another phase of adulthood..man, sometimes I don't even know how did I survive but one thing for sure Mir has always been there entertaining me with lame jokes and helping me see things from different perspective. I remember asking God to give me the strength to do what I'm doing right now when I was right in front of the Kaabah last March and I'm pretty sure Mir is the answer to my prayer. Had she's not been with me dealing with all the craps I think, I would be quitting by now.  Long ago,every time I asked something ...

Assalamulaikum w.b.t I've been a little bit busy lately hence the short pause in updating this blog. Just started working and still studying, phewwwwwww it is tiring. But I enjoy doing both at the same time, loving every moment and situation Allah decided to put me into. Alhamdulillah for all the blessing. I must admit that it is hard, my life. but you know what? Everyone has their rough phase in life where nothing seems right, their plans do not go as they have planned, brokenhearted, feeling lonely and so on and so forth. Every Single Person. No matter how rich they are, how many friends they have or how successful they are. They must have had their rough phase or having their rough phase. You might see them laughing and giggling over a lame joke, but deep down inside only God knows how much they are struggling. Remember this, I know we are all struggling but do not belittle other people's problems  just because we think that they do not go through the same path...

Assalamualaikum, I had a busy weekend with questionnaires, attending weddings, driving Mak around and some family stuffs. I rarely reply text messages now unless it's really important, I've been keeping most of my conversations short and spending a lot of time with myself and my study stuffs. Age is surely catching up on me. I am feeling like an oldie before time I must say. There were times that I was really exhausted emotionally and physically, I just stared blankly at the wall and cried myself to sleep. Not that I was sad, I was just, tired. There were times that I felt like I missed my train. You know things around you keep moving on forward and you were still there,not progressing. One thing I like to do when these kinda moment/episode come once in a while, I would find an interesting verse in the Quran that is applicable to my emotion at the moment. Today, when I was in class, I had this sudden feeling of despair. So I took out my phone and search for verse in t...

Assalamulaikum, another week has passed. I had a pretty busy week with classes, procrastinating(lol) and preparing myself for another 2 weeks trip. Yesterday, my friend and I had a refreshing conversation about parenting. Despite of being two single ladies who are always avoiding any marriage related questions, we sometimes do have this kind of conversation. I told her an opinion of mine, what parents instill to their children will affect they way the children think. Let me give you an example that we had discussed. We differentiate two girls; Girl A and Girl B. Both of them have overprotective parents, they both can't go out with their friends on weekend, watch movie with their classmates and etc. Parents of Girl A "You cannot go out on weekend with your friends because you are still young and it's not your time yet. Stay at home, do your work, excel in study and when the time comes you can do what you always wanted to do." Parents of Girl B You cannot ...